For the woman who is searching for a Tall, Dark, Thin, Rich and Handsome Man, sorry, this is not for you. This is for the woman who is in need of a man that doesn’t belittle her or call her names. Or make her feel bad about herself. This is for the girl who wants a boy to kiss her as if she was his favorite flavor. To kiss her as if her lips, mouth and skin held the secrets of life itself. This is for the Lady requiring a Gentleman who will open her door and repair her house (Old School) to fixing her computer and shampooing her hair (New School). Who will not embarrass her in public or in front of her friends (Not intentionally, anyway). This is for that groovy hippie chick who is in need of a far out stoner dude to watch movies and cartoons with. To listen to tunes with. To gorge on munchies with. This is for the funny gal looking for her goofy guy to laugh with (and at). To sing loudly and badly to the radio while on a road trip to wherever with. To talk and joke and wonder about everything under the stars with. This is for the sex kitten prowling for her lust dog. I guess I should get to my Stats (height, weight, hair color etc.) and tell you a bit about myself. Or what I call the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Let’s start with The Good… I still have the majority of my hair. Which is short and light brown with a bit of silver starting to show (which I have to admit that I rather like). I am 5 foot, ten inches and weigh around 190 pounds. My eyes are bluish grey. I have been called ‘cute’ by what I consider very attractive women. Honestly, the only thing I can really say about my looks are that some days I look in the mirror, hope it doesn’t crack and think, “Who the hell is that ugly malformed bastard!”. And some days I declare as I gaze lovingly upon my reflection, “There must be a God. Only Angelic intervention could be responsible for this gorgeous creature standing before me”. Of course, I will gladly exchange photos with those that, after reading this, still want to. But beyond looks I believe wholeheartedly in romance. Which for me means so many things. Romance is remembering her favorite flower and giving them to her, even if it’s not (shock!) a holiday. Romance is a candlelit dinner prepared, served and yes, cleaned up after by me. Or maybe a candlelit bubble bath with chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. Or maybe a picnic basket stuffed with Delaurenti’s Italian deli meats, cheeses and breads, a bottle of wine and a blanket to spread out somewhere by the water. Or possibly, just possibly, breakfast in bed. Romance is a long, deep massage to relax you and make you feel good, not just as a precursor to sex. Or maybe a love poem written for you or a love letter sent to you. <> I am open minded to most things as well as accepting of others faults, as I have many myself. I’m easy going and fun to hang with. ‘Patience’ is my middle name. <> I have a goofy and skewed sense of humor. <> Hmmm, what else Good, Oh yes. I love to kiss. Long, slow, deep, wet kisses. I won’t go into details in this post as it would take pages of text to expound, explain and examine the phenomenon of The Kiss and kissing in general. Now for some of The Bad… I have been a bit confused as to what I want to do for a living for the next 15 years or so. I was a restaurant manager for many years until 2004 and just had to get out of that environment before I snapped. Then I tried commercial fishing up in Alaska for a couple years. My God, but that was the freakin’ toughest endeavor I have been apart of. 16 hour days 7 days a week for weeks at a time in freezing cold weather in a boat with nothing but a bunch of guys on stormy seas. Yet I am thrilled that I got to experience an adventure that not many people will ever have the cajones to try . So now I am working for a realty company as an Interior Painter and am enjoying it, but it only pays $15.00 (to start) an hour. So I may have to strike out on my own in the not too distant future as an Interior Painter. I enjoy doing it and seem to have a knack for it. <> My car is a gas hog. Any moment I am expecting the uber go go green hyper recyclers to hunt me down and tie me to a compost heap wearing only my Utilikilt. Slathered in Starbucks mocha ice cream and left to the mercy of the dreaded coffee weasels. <> My credit score sucks and I haven’t yet started a retirement fund (Remnants of a bad boy past) And The Ugly… I am an artist who never produces any art. As a younger man I flirted with a bit of local success with my paintings, but just stopped producing. Although I think and dream of sketching, painting, sculpting and writing constantly. Just having a difficult time putting pen to paper and brush to canvas. Although I have just recently started writing again. Though I am searching for my Muse as well as my friend and lover. <> I am very 420 friendly, as are most of my friends. <> I live with room mates. To offset The Bad and The Ugly I will shout out that I have no criminal record and am not a violent person. Neither am I one of those overly sensitive touchy-feely kinda guys. Just sorta in the middle somewhere between Dirty Harry and Romeo. If Romeo was not tall, kinda pale, goofily cute, poor and Scottish/Irish. Hellooooo!? Anyone there? Dammit! I knew no one would make to the end. Oh well, I guess it’s a life of celibacy. Must be time to join the Monk hood. Heck, except for the heavy brown robe, the friar tuck hair-do, Gregorian chanting and the God thing, I am nearly there if the hard part is being celibate.
No firm preferences regarding eye or skin color. Likewise for hair color or length. <> Must like to kiss....alot. You know, long, slow, wet, deep ones. Kissing to fuel the fire & fan the flames. Remember your first forays into serious lip-locking? I do! Kissing till your lips swell, your hands have roadmapped every inch of their body, saliva reserves empty, hair's toussled, brain's close to combustion and your body's exhausted. Is that still possible as an almost middle age couple with all their combined hang ups and baggage from years of past relationships? Each one leaving its mark, whether it be good, bad, or weird? I surely hope so! <> The ability to make me laugh is a natural aphrodisiac to me. Forget the oysters, put back the chocolate & no need to pick out the green M&Ms, a sense of humor is my spanish fly.
For the woman who is searching for a Tall, Dark, Thin, Rich and Handsome Man, sorry, this is not for
Chapter 1: In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle.
“Who is that woman standing there?” I ask myself.